Butterfly Wings
by Stella Knight
Summary: Why is it that nothing is ever perfect? Katherine Knight is having a civil war with her own body as she tries to become beautiful. As she struggles with anorexia nervosa, she strives to regain what little sanity she has left.
1. Chapter 1

Butterfly Wings

I woke up to the smell of delicious repulsive pancakes (128), fatty sizzling bacon (58), and orange juice (112).

"Katherine! Come and eat! And will you wake up Madeline and your brothers?" my mother called.

"Okay!" I would come down, but I would not eat. Eating is for the weak and without will. I was not weak; I was strong. I opened the door next to mine, Maddy's room.

"Maddy?" I tapped her shoulder. She flopped on her other side. I tickled her like we did when we were little. She giggled and opened her eyes.

"Mom made breakfast. Go eat!" I laughed with her and followed her out the room, but when straight to Aspen's room. I walked up to him and whispered his name in his ear.

"Aspen. Aspen. Aspen." He shifted and started mumbling, while I fled the room to wake up Adrian.

"I might even be a rock star! I might even be a rock star!" I screeched in Adrian's ears. He woke up screaming. I skipped downstairs and took the plate my mother had set out for me and dumped it in the trash. I left a pancake, no bacon and about a sip left of orange juice. After that, I covered it with the trash beneath it.

"Hey, honey! Did you eat?" asked Dad.

"Yup. It was delicious! My compliments to the chef." He smiled.

"What are you going to do today?"

"I was going to go to the mall with Lia, today." I replied honestly. I wasn't lying this time.

"All right, be safe." He called as I hurried up the stairs. Adrian and Aspen were slowly trudging down.

I changed into a floral skirt and pocket tank. I curled my black hair and pasted my face with powdered beauty. I slipped on a pair of beige wedges.

"Bye, everyone! I'm leaving! I'll be back around 10." No answer. I climbed into my black Porsche 911 Carerra and drove to Lia's house.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Lia!" I said awkwardly at the door. A frog visiting a fly. "Are you ready to shop?" I said in an almost preppy manner.

"Yeah, let me just get my bag." She ran inside and met me in my car. I drove off, even though I had been in many an accident.

We window shopped. We went inside and shopped. We tried on clothes. All too baggy. Our shoulders like hangers for the clothes. Lia was more of a girl than me. A flower and a rock.

I hung clothes on my shoulders, the thin cotton chilling my beautiful bones. I couldn't see them. I didn't like secrets. Why was my body hiding things? Please body, let me see my bones. Let me see my heart beating, let me see the adrenaline through my veins. Let me be transparent. Let me disappear.

I spend about half my money on hoodies, baggy tanks, and jeans. I wasn't ready to flaunt my body. Not yet. Today was an exception. Lia was, though. She wasn't like me. Bulimic: twice the taste, zero calories. That was her slogan. She bought 5 tanks, 4 mini skirts, some shorts, and a warm jacket. I needed one of those. We passed the food court. I should shouldn't get anything. I'm fat enough.

"Kat, do you wanna go to the food court? You know, to tell our parents we at least bought food. Besides, I'm hungry." I nodded, in a trance. I got us a table and sat there alone while Lia got her feast. A boy with almost white blonde hair, like the moon, came up to me.

"Hey…you look good. I'm Devin." He smiled.

"That's nice." I retorted, annoyed.

"Playin' hard to get? I like 'em like that." Another smile, mischievous. He approached me. I got up from my chair and backed away, slowly. He quickly caught us and brought his arm around me. He looked down at me, and instead of doing something I feared he just forced a small piece of paper into my hand, turned around and left with his group of friends who all patted him on the back and cheered.

Lia came back, arms aching with food trays. The smell was delicious nauseating.

"What happened? I heard some commotion." She said as she stuffed a Whopper into her small mouth.

"Oh, some guy confronted me and harassed me. Nothing much." I shrugged it off. Lia ate every scrap of edible substance on her plastic food container. We both left and walked to the bathroom. Lia vomited all her sins out. Her throat feeling like hell. That is what it is like for her. I longed for that sense of forgiveness. The sense that a simple finger down the throat would rid you of impurities consisting of carbs , calories , and fats. A girl about our age walked in when Lia a purging. Her mouth a little "o".

"Some bad fish. Salmonella or something. I think it was the sushi place." I covered it. The truth veiled with a lie. Lia got up from the toilet, flushed it and wiped her face, smiling. I looked at her. She nodded, a secret conversation between us. We walked back to the car. I drove us home, there nothing to talk about. Lia waved goodbye, I waved back and drove off. I was succumbed by thoughts of numbers and mysterious boys with hair the color of the moon. Then I thought about his smile, so wonderful. I pictured a scene. It was summer, warm enough to vanish the chill from my bones. He picked me up and we laughed. I looked into the bright sun. The sun was getting brighter and brighter. I laughed once more but, an impact hit the side where Lia was once sitting. The sun wasn't shining anymore. All I could see was the moon spinning around and around. Stars and moon into one big mess on a black canvas.

Stars and moon

soon became

blackness.


End file.
